have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
