Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
