I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
