An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize