i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
