There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
