high people should be assigned attendants
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
did you just send me my own nude
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
