I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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