Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize