just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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