just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
