i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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