I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
