the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize
