Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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