That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
