I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
my shit smells like andre
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
