I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
