I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I looked at my own cervix.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
