woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
