No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
