Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
this hospital has no fireball
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
