If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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