3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
