I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
