Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
