Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
