I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
