it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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