return my video game
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
