If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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