..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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