what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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