At least make sure they are 18
Why
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize