hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
