New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
