White coat. Heels.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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