He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
