Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
