I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize