I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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