He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
