I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
