OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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