sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
