its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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