Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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