happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
