hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
