I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
