he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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