you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
