she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
