Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
