Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
