i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
