does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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