I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
