Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
