whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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