All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize