Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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