i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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