Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
