Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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