there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Randomize
