Jerry, you need to find god
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i wish my penis had a tongue
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
