I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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