Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
