everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This is the high leading the old right now
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
