you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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